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Love Letter to Van Gogh

I’m so glad fall is around the corner. You’ve heard of people who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder in the winter? Well meet me, I suffer from SAD in the summer. It’s a bright sunny day for people around me and my mood is drenched in shadows. My mind easily drifts and conversations are left dangling. I didn’t mean to. But I’m living inside my head now. Anxiety is the soundtrack of my summer night. It’s too bright. It’s too hot. It’s too upbeat. I long for dark gloomy clouds pregnant with rain. Oh! The smell of rain. The small of wet earth – petrichor – on my cat’s damp paws. I’ll be well again when the rain comes.

It seems fitting then that the only painting I managed to finish throughout the hot summer was a portrait of van Gogh. A kindred spirit I think. We could have laid on our backs in a field and cried at the stars. Is it odd then, that I chose to reinterpret his dreary brown suit as bright yellow? Again, I didn’t mean to. But if I opened the lid on a jar of black paint right now I’d never come back. I’d wallow. Yellow, pinks, and blues can keep me high for now. They’ll see me though. I’ve learned over the years that I use bright colors to nurture and soothe myself. Mmmm, grey skies and yellow paint!


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